FULL EPISODE:

Within the last year, plant medicine and Ayahuasca came into my conscious awareness, and it changed my outlook on how to access higher consciousness.

After doing research, my spiritual sisters, Lauren, Kathrin, Stephanie, and I decided to experience this together in Costa Rica, at a place called Rythmia!

Day 1. We meet each other at the airport, and hop in an hour+ car ride.

When we arrive at Rythmia, they have an amazing team that greets you and signs you in. You’re given a full schedule of various masterclasses, plant medicine prep classes, yoga, breath work, colonics, massages, and more!

They have an amazing chef there who prepares the most incredible selection of clean foods. My body has never felt better than eating the cleanly prepared, fresh Costa Rica ingredients.

The fresh tropical fruit I could live off of forever. Mhmm…Fresh pineapple juice and coconut water…

We sat down for our first dinner and started chatting with two older guys who had been there the week prior. They were heading home and they started sharing their experience.

One, I mentioned in the previous episode, had a rebirth and saw himself fall out of a cloud shaped as a vagina and fall into his physical body. They also told us about someone in their ceremony, first day, stood up in the beginning of the ceremony and announced, “I just shit myself.”

Some powerful advice they shared was that as you purge, specifically puking into your bucket, ask what it is in the bucket “what are you?” They were also saying it can be powerful to command what is in you into the bucket.

A lot of the people I was talking to were saying that they were super nervous to take the medicine, and I just felt super calm and aligned and calm to the point where I was like… SHOULD I feel nervous?

That night us girls went back to the room and watched a plant medicine documentary.

Before we dive in, a quick disclaimer:

The purpose of this episode is solely to provide educational information and to share the MY personal opinions and experiences; any and all information and provided has been curated solely for the purpose of education, and for informational purposes only. By listening to this episode, you agree and understand that this content is made available to you as a self-help tool only, and as general information and education that may or may not be right for you. Nothing in this episode is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment that can be provided by your own Medical Provider (including doctor/physician, nurse, physician’s assistant, or any other health professional), Mental Health Provider (including psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist, counsellor, or social worker), or member of the clergy. Therefore, do not disregard or delay seeking professional medical, mental health or religious advice because of information you have read on this website or received from us. Do not stop taking any medications without speaking to your own Medical Provider or Mental Health Provider. If you have or suspect that you have a medical or mental health problem, contact your own Medical Provider or Mental Health Provider promptly. This is not to be considered medical advice for any reason, and nothing herein is intended to provide or act as a substitute for physical or mental health treatment. You as the listener understand and agree that this content is meant to support you and add informational value to supplement any personalized services you are receiving from a professional.

If you agree, then let’s continue.

Some of what I share might be new or maybe even conflict with beliefs that you’ve held for some time. So we go through this I invite you to listen with an open mind. This is all for your consideration.

Day 2 

The next day was our first full of Rythmia. We went to the clinic to get cleared by the doctors, ate more delicious food, did a workout which felt hard, but I figured, it’s been a while since I did this style workout, then we had an orientation class. That night we went to breath work.

Breath work is LIFE CHANGING. With only the breath, you can release a tremendous amount of stuck energy and trauma from the body. I experienced tingles, tension, and massive breakthroughs!

DAY 3: Monday, December 9, 2019

The 1st ceremony

My day started with yoga.

It was the BEST class I’ve ever taken.

Sarah, who led it, I would later learn would be the incredible shaman on ceremony 3 for the divine feminine night.

I left that class feeling open, excited, and grounded.

We had class that day: About your miracle + Plant integration class

In class, they shared with us that for the ceremony, we’d want to set these 3 intentions first: 

1. Show me who I’ve become – what am I not willing to see, hear, feel or know?)

2. Merge me with my soul at all costs

3. Heal my heart (merge me back to wholeness)

People ask… What is it like taking Aya?

• You’re ingesting consciousness – anything at a lower vibration can no longer stay, which leads to some kind of purge.
• Everything feels drunk except for your soul.
• You need to feel it to heal it.
• Purging is a sign of sickness leaving your body and is a sign of your body healing.
• It takes 90 seconds for an emotion to go through your body – It’s the interpretation/story that get stuck, looped!!!
• Guilt, shame, beating ourselves up — you wouldn’t do that to a child. Why do it to yourself? A war against war is war.
• What we resist persists.
• When a storm comes, cows run away, unable to escape. Buffalo runs into the storm and it passes quickly. My intention was to be the buffalo and be open and available to healing at all costs.
• Anything that triggers you – that you find untrue, wrong, offensive IS the key to seeing who we’ve become. They are reflected parts of you that are seeking to be healed. What offends you is the lack from within.
• If you want to transcend – experience a miracle, – shift your perspective and go beyond current creation.
• As you purge you heal and it begins the unification – as we return to ourselves, we see who we’ve become.
• Ask — how is it making me feel? Do I feel this way in life? Where do I first recall feeling this way? Who have I become as a result?
• What’s coming is going
• Go to what’s hard
• Don’t think – drink
• Ask what is being purged
• Quantum healing is available + alien healing

THE FIRST CEREMONY

I dressed in light, comfortable clothing.

There was so much excitement, anticipation…

Waiting outside the meloca…

They open the doors, everyone comes in quietly and finds a bed…

It’s a big room, 86 beds all in line, complete with a blanket, pillow, bucket, and a roll of toilet paper.

Us girls got 4 up against a wall together.

The shaman that night, Christian had us come into a circle.

He prepped us saying everyone is committing to staying in the room.

They will serve the first cup, after about an hour, they’ll call for the second cup.

Get the second cup. The medicine is healing you.

Only don’t get a second cup if you don’t hear them call for it, which means you’re probably good.

First, they were serving Rape. It’s tobacco, shamanic snuff, that is blown up your nose with a specific type of pipe.

They have you set an intention for that medicine. They bless it. You hold your breath and don’t want to inhale. They blow it up one nostril. BURN. Eyes watered. Second nostril. Sat down…

The rapé opened my 3rd eye – my DIVINE EYE. It was a calming feeling. Suddenly I felt connected to the energy of the whole room.

I wrote mother Aya and my soul a note…

Dear Mother Aya,

Thank you for your healing. Thank you for showing me, for giving me exactly what I needed to receive no. I am grateful for your guidance, for revealing deep levels of truth to me. For guiding me through the discomfort, I surrender to your guidance. I am ready.

Dear soul,

I can’t wait to fully see you and meet you. – me.

CALLED FOR THE FIRST CUP

We were at the back of the 2 lines, so much anticipation…

I step up to the Shaman, he pours the medicine, blesss it, breaths over it, hands it to me. I throw it back — not the best tasting, but everyone made it seem like it was WAY worse. I sat down on my bed and meditated.

I was laying there waiting…

Asking, “SHOW ME WHO I’VE BECOME?”

“Hello? Is this thing on? Are you there?”

It was like an insomnia feeling, thoughts coming and going, like a mediation where you cannot clear your mind. I started calculating how long it was taking…

“How many songs? At least 7 x 3 okay… 21 minutes.”

I heard, “RULES RULES RULES.”

No idea that Mother Aya had started talking to me.

“Rules rules rules…”

I said in my head, “What is rules rules rules?”

Saw a flash of examples…

“Those aren’t rules. Those are my boundaries. What’s the difference?”

No answer. The next day I was talking about it and it integrated when I realized…

The rules she was seeing in my life were made from scarcity, rigidity, a need for control…

If it was really a boundary, it would be coming from a place of self-love!

The day after I realized I was getting even more downloads, but I wasn’t HEARING it because it wasn’t coming through in the way that I thought it would.

She was teaching me even though I didn’t realize it was mother Aya.

It’s like Mr. Miagee, “Wax on. Wax off.”

“You can’t be the teacher and the student at the same time.”

I had to surrender, and stop trying to figure it out and decipher the steps and phases while IN it. Which meant, I was not fully present and not being open to receiving all the downloads and gifts.

I feel totally normal, not drunk, lucid.

Got the second cup.

Sat down hopeful that I would hear SOMETHING.

Waited… “HELLO?”

THE FIRST PURGE

An intention I had was to ask about worsening tenderness in my chest during certain times of the month. I had been diagnosed with PCOS and this seemed to be getting more painful and also not leaving, constantly sore.

I saw in my mind’s eye a torso. First thought – “Wow so skinny! I wonder if that’s me! NAhh…”

This vision pans up and see the chest and the boobs looked like giant bite marks had been taken out of them. I could see the lines of the bites the way you would looking a PB + J…

That freaked me the fuck out — “Please please release this from my body” – I PURGED by PUKING.

“What are you?”

I heard, “Toxins, cancer, potential cancer.”

My Grandma had breast cancer, (which do obviously was due to trauma and not genetics,) but I was always told “OHH if she had it you need to be careful!” – so I had totally taken that on subconsciously and was so fearful. In that purge, I completely released it from my subconscious and healed the stuck energy of many generations.

“Hello? What’s next?”

I POP UP from my bed and I see people on line…

“They said to drink,” so I hopped onto the line.

A female shaman walked over and asked me, “How are you feeling?” Great. “Did you have your second cup?” Yeah. “Do you want a 3rd?” Oh, yeah it that okay? “Yes – bless you!”

They were only serving 2x and that was the end of the second line!

The Shaman asks, “How are you feeling?” Great. “Are you feeling this at all?” Not really.

He sprayed me with different stuff, handed me my 3rd cup, and I sat back down.

THEN I started having SO MANY DOWNLOADS.

I hear a song about healing your soul.

I ask to have my soul cleared. I puke.

I feel an aching pain in my feet as I often do at night.

I ask about it and I hear — “Your feet hurt because you’re not walking with your soul.”

I see an image of footprints in snow and I see two sets: my physical body and one for my soul.

– And how sometimes they’d be merged in the same footprint and other times they’d be separate — and that my pain is my resistance to my alignment of walking with my soul.

My feet were undulating and pointing and flexing without my having control over them.

I had broken a small bone in my left foot in October and it was still sensitive, so I was super nervous it was going to get hurt, but reminded myself of the plant’s divine intelligence!

– And that the injuries I’ve had are simply due to this misalignment with my soul.

I just remember tossing and turning, not having clear thoughts but just being totally out of it, moving, sweating, uncomfortable… And that all of this movement was my body and soul synchronizing.

The ceremony was coming to an end and my feet wouldn’t stop – I had 3 cups so I was still kind of IN it.

After that, the shaman called everyone into a circle to share…

So many cool things were shared…

I had to back to my bed in the middle of the circle share. I needed to lay down.

After that, the girls and I stayed to chat for a bit.

We were up still processing, sharing, and integrating.

I went to bed at 3:45 am.

DAY 4: Tuesday, December 10th, 2019

The 2nd Ayahuasca Ceremony

I got up at 8 am the next day, had a delicious breakfast & fresh juice.

I do a workout again, and to my shock, I felt like 10000% stronger, more grounded, more energy, more flexibility, and I was just SO surprised.

After that, I went in the steam room, detoxed with volcanic clay, did the hot/cold plunge…

As I was sitting in the steam room I was watching the water drop off the ceiling…

It goes from solid to liquid to gas changing form without resistance and… humans are 60% water, which means it is the intelligence of our bodies to change without resistance.

PRE-CEREMONY

I wrote in my notebook…

As we head into our 2nd journey I am feeling excited, uncertain, with the intention to soften and be easy. It can be gentle and joyful. It can move quickly. The breath of life will guide you. Your breath is the buffalo – it guides you into the darkness, swiftly moving you through the storm.

CEREMONY

The rapé (tobacco) helped me to ground and open.

The music was helping me connect and go deep this night…

I had my first cup and felt like I had moved through “show me who I’ve become” and began “merge me with my soul at all costs” – so I asked, “Merge me with my soul.”

And I began to have a completely clear conversation with mother Ayahuasca in my head!

You know when you have a thought, but you can feel that you generated the thought? Well, I was having those thoughts being responded to be something that was NOT generated by me.

I asked her to merge me and she said, “If you want your soul to stick around, you need to sing.”

“Sing? Like how I used to during my theater days?”

“No.”

“When? How?”

I started seeing images of being a little kid and feeling like I was in my brother’s shadow with performing.

Then I saw an image of myself at around 3 or 4 standing in the window of my old house singing part of your world quietly because I didn’t want anyone to hear me.

I had ALWAYS believed my voice was not enough.

When I would sing it was about being judged/competing vs. sharing a gift.

And this level of consciousness is always wanting to come in – but this was like a bolt of insight.

“Woah. I have never been fully, consistently dancing with my soul.”

There were only a few moments in my career as a performer of complete flow state freedom.

– SO I’ve had flashes, but to be that way always would be WOAH.

As I’m having this conversation, and it was almost like a song was playing in the background – so a part of me was like, “I know that song. I haven’t heard that song since high school,” – and I start listening to the words…

There’s a hero…

When you look inside your heart…

You don’t have to be afraid of what you are…

There’s an answer…

If you reach into your soul…

And the sorrow that you know will melt away…

Mariah Carey’s Hero.

And as soon as I was hearing the words – like really hearing them, I just started SOBBING because it was so profoundly beautiful and perfect.

And I’ve noticed that my subconscious will get me to sing a song like a broken jukebox when I need to hear a message that I’m not getting or need reminding of – so this was just perfection.

I’m laying there, sobbing. I promise to sing and honor that joy and gift. I feel my soul merge.

I sit up and feel so fucking blissed out.

I am Indian style on my bed shaking my butt, dancing, humming songs, singing to myself…

I decide to go explore outside…

Looked up at the stars said hello to the trees, moon, stars, fire, it was bliss!

I went up for my second cup.

The Shaman this night asked me how I was feeling. I said Euphoric. He gave me a half a cup.

I sat back down, still feeling a new level of bliss and euphoria. I was thinking, “Last night was fairly easy compared to others and I needed 3 cups, tonight was delightful, I know, I’m just AMAZING at handling Aya…”

In my hyper optimism, I said, “Okay mama Aya. I’m back. I’m ready to heal my heart. Please help me release anything in the way.”

A pause. Followed by…

“Not until you love yourself first.”

So, that fucking leveled me.

Humble pie.

GUT PUNCH.

I was like… “Uhhh okay? Howwww do I do that? What do you mean?”

I spent the remainder of that night in a haze of yawns, stretching, twisting on my mattress…

I had a million thoughts, but what I remember coming up was a fixation on how I wanted to share my earlier breakthrough during the circle but because I was detoxing big time, my skin was freaking out and I had no makeup on.

My ego was saying that “acne is ugly, dirty, shameful, and as was excess fat on my body.”

The crazy thing is, I don’t look at other people and see that or give two shits, so it was just this ridiculous exception I had for myself that I took on in early childhood when I hit puberty in 3rd grade, 2-3 years before the majority of the grade caught up. I knew I had some healing to do around that inner child.

I was hearing myself say, “No, I don’t want people to look at me.”

And then my thought of that’s so dumb, especially in this room, literally, no one is going to even notice or care – like there are people in here shitting their own pants.

I remember a lot insecurity coming up about my weight and my body…

I do remember at one point taking down my curly hair and hugging it for a while. Telling my hair that I love it.

Overall, I was SO frustrated that I was having such surface-level thoughts…

Again, it was such a haze, it was like the subconscious patterns were flooding my conscious and I almost couldn’t keep up.

It was miserable.

BUT It was all the things I had been holding, and stuffing down coming up for healing – gotta feel it to heal it.

I left that night feeling beat down. I really was like… “I have no fucking clue how I’m going to love myself if I can’t get past this stuff.”

…

Tune into EPISODE 190 to hear what happened in ceremony 3 + 4! SPOILER: I had my biggest breakthrough!

Grateful

Part 3 of series

187 – what is it?

189 – walked you through being in costa rice, at Rythmia, I shared a deeper understanding of the plants, my breakthroughs + downloads from the first 2 ceremonies

IFFF you haven’t listened to those already, I def recommend listening to those first. The experiences and lessons really layer and compound when listened to in the order in which they were experienced…

We’ll link those in the show notes and over at heyjencasey.com/190 (COMING SOON!)

RECAP – ceremony one, rules, purge cancers + toxins + feet – not walking with my soul

Ceremony 2 – bliss and euphoria merging with my soul, followed by trying to learn to fully love myself, but getting stuck on surface level, external things