I wanted to share with you some quick ideas around surviving versus thriving. The reason I felt called to talk about this today is because I started thinking about how I showed up early on in my business and how it was really a reflection of early patterns in my life. Things that were not serving me and actually held me back even though in my head I was like, “I’m crushing it. I’m killing it. THIS is how you have to show up.” I was completely backwards in my thinking. I was showing up with belief that you have to work hard to make money.

So, how do we start to break that open? When you look at the top business owners or the most successful people, how do they show up? We can learn about what it takes to, not just make money, but to run a successful company if we look to the people who are actually doing it and making a profit at the end of the day.

Success leaves clues. 

When I was bartending, I loved putting my head down and just banging out drinks as fast as humanly possible because I had to focus on one thing AND I was getting a little kickback from it. I enjoyed it, even though it was hard and I would be exhausted at the end of the night. If you guys work in the service industry, you know the turn ‘n burn, hustle it out, being in the weeds, all of that crazy stuff. It sucks in the moment, but you also get a little bit of a high off of it.

I was in a state of flight or fight. I was in that survival state when I would be working, especially when it would get really busy. I remember they used to have something called ‘Three Dollar Thursdays’, which I swear the CEO of TJI Fridays implemented just to torture the bartenders. The entire restaurant would be three dollars and we would get tickets all freaking day long. It was overwhelming, but I actually enjoyed those days, not because I would make good money, but because I could turn fast. 

When you go into that flight or fight response, your sympathetic nervous system and adrenal cortical system kick into high gear. Through your nervous system and through your bloodstream, the two combined put you in that flight or fight state. Now, there was no reason for me to be in that flight or fight state. That was a choice and a habit. It’s something that I had fired and wired. Anything you do on repetition and put some umph behind, you neurologically wire a pathway to show up in that way.

And I was getting rewarded for it!

I was getting rewarded for it because I got to rip up a ticket. For those of you who love your to do lists, you get to go check-check-check, cross it off! Or you see that notification come in and it gives you that tingly good feeling. You can’t freaking wait to click it.

Why is that?

Well, it’s dopamine in the brain! For those of you who are not familiar with dopamine, it’s like the feel-good drug. When we do something and have a dopamine response, it creates that feeling of pleasure, which is why it’s so closely tied to addiction.

See how all of this is fitting together? Here I am in flight or fight mode, and on top of that, (from childhood) being told, “You have to work hard to make money. You have to hustle.” So I’m like, “Ok, that’s my belief system. That’s how I choose to show up because that’s all that exists at this time in my life.”

I have these belief systems and I’m filtering the world through them believing that I have to work hard to make money. I’m going into flight or fight and, honestly, I’m kind of digging it because I’m getting all of this dopamine. I’m getting all of this feel-good feedback from ripping up those pieces of paper every time I make a drink. Throughout this process, my heart rate is increasing, my pupils are dilating, and I’m going through all of the physical manifestations of my body going into this state. Your veins restrict, your muscles start to tense, and your digestion shuts down because your body thinks it’s being chased by a saber tooth tiger… but you’re just making a drink! You’re just writing an email! You’re just about to jump on a live video!

Your body is going crazy and you’re like, “What the hell is happening to me??” What also happens is that your brain is only able to focus on one thing. It won’t focus on those little details when you go into flight or fight. When I would go into that state, I was able to be hyper focused so I’d get a ton of shit done. There were so many positives to me going into that state that I made that place of flight or fight, that high level of stress, my emotional home because I was constantly being rewarded for it.

And what was the result?

Massive freaking burnout. This is how we get into that space of burnout as entrepreneurs.

I’m seeing this pop up all over the place where people are looking at it through the lens of masculine energy and feminine energy, but when we dig a little deeper, what does that even really mean? You know me… I love to go in for the psychology and the science. Give me the studies that have backed this up to help us understand what is truly happening inside of our minds and bodies. We can talk all day long about the surface stuff, and that is really powerful and can make massive shifts, but today I wanted to go a little bit deeper so that you could understand what’s really happening inside of you. The reason I’m talking about this is because if we are showing up in our businesses from that space, we are essentially in survival mode. Let me say that again:

WE ARE IN SURVIVAL MODE. 

How many of you, in the last six months or year, have felt yourself shift into survival mode in your business? Maybe it’s when you open up your bank account and you see your sales, you see what you owe in taxes, and you immediately go into that survival mode. When you’ve been in that state, were you able to serve? Don’t associate to a specific experience, but think back objectively. Were you able to show up and lead? Were you able to get on live video and speak from the highest version of yourself? No, right?

When you’re in survival mode, parts of your body are shutting down. So how are you supposed to scientifically and energetically open up your heart center so that you can connect to your higher self and lead? Listen, it’s not your fault. You do have control over it because we are in control of our thoughts, but you have been fired and wired to show up in this way because it’s what you’ve practiced for so long. You’ve made neural connections. It becomes a game of being able to get back control by creating new patterns. Repetition with a different pattern. You break the old one. Once you recognize it, you can rewire it and create something new. Make a new choice in that moment instead of allowing the chemicals in your body and the old thought patterns that are on autopilot and stored in your subconscious mind to run you.

The brain is going to automate as much as possible for energy efficiency. It’s going to feel a little bit uncomfortable at first when you start to make different choices because it’s going to require you to make it conscious and intentional again.

Think about it like a mountain. When we are in survival mode, we’re at the bottom of that mountain looking up. All we can see is how far it looks to climb and all we see is the trees and brush around us. When we show up that way in business, bridging this gap for you guys, it’s like we’re IN our problems. We can’t see beyond what is right in front of us. We can’t see beyond our to do list. We get in our own way by creating all of these stories and all of this meaning around things that are really just facts.

Feelings are not facts. The stories you create are not facts.

If someone else posts on social media, that is a fact. If you build a whole story around that by saying, “Well, because she posted on social media and we’re in the same niche, I can’t have a business. People won’t buy what I sell…” Now you’re creating a STORY. If you repeat that story, it’s going to become a belief. If it’s a belief, then you are going to filter the world through that and show up or not show up based on what you believe. Does make sense? So when we are in our problems, when we are in flight or fight, and when we’re in survival mode, we are in a very low vibrational state, which means all of our problems are like freakin’ woods blocking our view from what is actually possible. It’s blocking our view from potential solutions.

We have to get outside of our problems. The way that I personally do this and the way so many of my clients do this is by reconnecting with yourself. You are not going to find solutions by aimlessly scrolling social media or watching another Netflix episode.

Instead, allow yourself to take a step back and get quiet. If you are the type of person who lies down for bed or gets in the shower and you have a ton of downloads, where all of a sudden it’s idea after idea after idea, then that is a clear sign that you are not giving yourself enough time and space to just BRAIN DUMP and get things out of your head. You are juggling way too much and if you feel exhausted by the end of the day, you were literally depleting the glucose from your brain. That is a real thing, where you actually become overloaded with decisions that you make throughout the day. Every time you make a decision, even if it’s, “Do I click on this notification or do I continue what I’m doing?” Every time you make one of those decisions, you deplete glucose from your brain, so that’s why you potentially feel fatigued at the end of the day.

What we want to do is give ourselves the time, the energy, and the space to create that clarity. Like Tony Robbins says, “If you don’t have 10 minutes a day for yourself, you don’t have a life.” 

I just want to ask you… is it that you don’t have time or that you just haven’t made the time? Or that you’ve wasted time?

It’s up to you to make a choice as to whether or not you are going to commit to getting your time back because time is an illusion. Things can go by like that or things can feel like they take forever. You have to make the choice to commit to giving yourself 10 minutes a day to just chill the F out. Once you get your thoughts on paper and you’re not all up in your head, then all of a sudden, you will have more clarity. You will be able to see your life and your business as if you are standing on the very top of that mountain. When you’re standing on the top of that mountain looking out, you can see everything! You’re removed from the emotional triggers of the day to day.

If you get a refund request, you don’t freak out because you see the big picture of the impact that you’re making. When you’re in the weeds, if somebody says they want a refund, you’re like, “Oh my god. This person wants a refund! My business is over! My stuff sucks! Everybody hates me! I’m the worst!” …And you spiral. But when you’re standing on the top of that mountain, when you’re in your vision, when you’re clear on what you’re creating, and when you’re in your purpose, when someone sends you a refund request, you’re like, “Ah, ok. That’s cool. It didn’t work for them. They didn’t want to do the program. It has nothing to do with me.” You can be totally dissociated from the outcome.

It makes it so much easier to be dissociated from all of the little day to day things, from the “problems”, the “mishaps”, and the “failures” to recognize how it all beautifully fits together. What would be possible if you stepped into that person? That six figure version, seven figure version, 10 million dollar version of you that looks down at your life and business in that highest vibration every single morning? 

Who would you be? What would you do? What would you have? And what would you be able to inspire others to be, do, and have?

So that’s what I want to leave you with.

I would love for you to think about that, ponder that, and if you feel called to, journal around that and  give yourself an honest audit about where you are right now in your life and business and where you could be showing up even more powerfully, because you’re already powerful. The fact that you are even here means that you are already someone who is called to a higher vision.

I want you to take a moment to honor that. If you haven’t taken a few minutes today to honor yourself and your growth, I’m going to ask you to put your hand over your heart right now, take a deep breath, and say out loud to yourself, “I’m really proud of you.”

Allow yourself to feel your heartbeat. You are freaking ALIVE. Forget how many likes you have on Facebook or how much money you made this month compared to so and so. You have a heartbeat, which means you have a freaking purpose.