Jen Casey (JC): For the people who don’t know you, fill us in on who Rachel Perry is!

Rachel Perry (RP): So Rachel is evolving. I have to tell you, there are big things on the horizon. I went to school to be a teacher and then I became a mom. I was like, “Ok, this is my calling. I need to be a stay-at-home mom.” Shout out to all of us stay at home moms, but being a stay at home mom was not what gave me joy. That sounds terrible. My children are my life, but being a stay-at-home mom was just not something I was great at.

I needed to do something, so I actually ended up becoming a direct seller. I did that for a few years, then met my business partner and we developed a business (completely not planned!) and it ended up this high 6-figure business. It was incredible. We were just training direct sellers. So I realized, you know what? I am loving this community of business owners, these women business owners who want to grow their business but are wondering, “Can I do this because I am a mom? have so many ideas, but I’m a mom.”

There’s such a conflict there. There’s a question in our minds where we just don’t know if we can do it all. There’s a whole guilt factor that comes along with these things. For so long I felt like I couldn’t do this, but the truth of the matter is we can! There are so many people that we can serve in our business and still be amazing moms.

JC: A-freaking-men. I hate to even say it because it’s almost sexist, but how do you figure it all out as a mom? A guy would never be asked that, right? So I hate even asking that question, but I know for a lot of women that is the position they are in. They are juggling a lot of different things. Growing a business is like growing a baby… it takes a village! It takes time. It takes a lot of attention and like you said, there is that layer of mom guilt. So I think that’s a great place to start.

How does someone who is starting a new business deal with their spouses giving them a hard time about staying up and working on their business or not seeing the kids. Emotionally, how do you move through that and come out the other end with a successful business?

RP: That is such a good question. In the beginning of The Tag Team, we worked INSANE hours and it was like that. From the husbands it was kind of like, “Are you suuuure this is going to end up being a business that you can make money on?”

But here’s the thing: we came to this revelation that our family was our priority.

We were like wait a second, our family is our priority and our business comes second to that, so everything sort of fell into place that way. We figured out that we are going to work three days a week. Yeah you heard me! Monday through Wednesday from 9:00 until noon or 12:30, and that’s what we did. As a result, we were able to pick our kids up from school, we were able to go and volunteer in the classroom, and we were able to cook dinner (technically we could probably make dinner, though that’s not an area of strength!)

I mean, there’s no such thing as a perfect balance. We all strive for that and we do our best and there were times when I worked more and the kids came home from school and I’d be like, “Let me just finish just one thing.” But overall, they were the priority and everything else sort of fell into place. Because we set that schedule, we knew that this was our time to rock it out and get stuff accomplished and we did. That’s why it works because we knew that was our time and that was absolutely the priority. Obviously, if the nurse called from school we would go get our kid, but for the most part that was a very protected time. That’s when we worked, and then we could be present with our kids when they came home.

JC: That’s so important because even in my own business, creating business hours is something that has been a big focus of 2019 because things do get a little busy at certain times or during launches. I think having those boundaries for yourself is everything. I know for myself and I’m curious for you, I’m more productive when I actually tell myself, “You’re done at 4:00 or you’re done at 5:00.” I’m not picking up my phone because I know I can go talk to whoever I need to talk to later.

 RP: I have to turn my phone on to Do Not Disturb. It’s so easy to get distracted by the notifications and things like that, but that made a big difference.

 JC: It is amazing when you actually start setting those boundaries. I think that’s so powerful. So did you incorporate your family and your kids into creating some of those business rules or business hours?

 RP: So Jen, that would have been amazing had I done that. I did not, but the idea of making it a family decision is awesome. They now know what I do. They know that I have two businesses and they know when I work. They have a much deeper understanding of what I do now, but when they were little they had no idea.

Time goes by so fast, which is why I think it’s so important and ok to make your family the priority. I think so often we think we can’t do that because we have to hustle or we have to get this accomplished or we have to create this freebie. The reality of it is that time is still moving and there will always be time to work on your business, but your kids and your family are only going to be that age for so long. I think that’s a real struggle for moms. We know that we are in the trenches and it’s hard.

What works for us is just making our family a priority and knowing that was going to be the gauge. We measured everything against that.

JC: I love that. I think for a lot of women, they struggle to get their significant other onboard with what they’re doing, especially if they are new to starting a business or maybe they’re transitioning a business. I have so many ladies that I’ve coached who were in network marketing and then transitioned into creating their own businesses. Even when they first started network marketing, there was a lot of discomfort from their family and significant others. So I’m curious for you, just because you’ve been in this game for such a long time and your priorities are different than some people who maybe don’t have kids or aren’t married, what are some of your tips on communication with your spouse to help them understand clearly the vision that you are creating?

 RP: I think sometimes they’re not going to completely understand your vision. When I first told Marc that we were starting The Tag Team, he was very supportive of it, but I had just come from direct sales. It was kind of one of those, “You go for it. You try it.” I remember vividly being on the stairs saying, “We’re going to become a 6-figure business.” He gave me this look like, “Ok, sure… you go for it.”

When we did become a 6-figure business, I think then Marc got on board a whole lot faster. I think that’s very common for men and for husbands. Money talks, right? If they’re not visionaries and they don’t have that way of thinking, it’s even harder for them to see that. He was super supportive but didn’t really get what potential there was until we reached that mark.

I just communicated with him and told him the things that were going on. I remember one time we had launched something and the notifications were on on my phone and we were out to lunch, and every time someone purchased something it went ding, ding, ding! So he was actually hearing it and experiencing it and it was kind of an eye opener for him. He was so, so happy. That was a really good lunch.

JC: Yeah, it’s like wow… strangers on the internet want to give you money! What a foreign concept. So you were saying you were only working from 9:00 to noon and I think we need to talk a little about this. What does Monday through Wednesday, 9:00 to noon, look like and how big is your team? I think a lot of newer entrepreneurs don’t even realize that they will eventually bring on employees or independent contractors to help them support and create a bigger vision and a bigger business.

 RP: Now it’s a lot different because we are bigger and we do have a team. In the beginning, my business partner and I would Skype every day for those three hours and we would just go through what our vision was, what we needed to do, and we would just knock things off our list. There are times when there are things that we can do on our own, so we would finish doing that after the fact. We don’t work after 12:30 or 1:00, even independently. Now we have a team. If we didn’t have a team, we would not be able to do this schedule, so that was a big factor in hiring a team.

When we started hiring people, that’s when our revenue jumped.

I think there’s something to be said about handing off our tasks to people, things that are not business-building that someone else can do. We did not have a problem with that. I think it was because of our mindset about working and how these three and a half hours were so precious that we needed to be using those to build our business, rather than just customer service or things that we can hire someone else to do.

JC: How did you guys start identifying which things to get on your plate first?

 RP: Often it was the things that became stumbling blocks for us. Gosh, I don’t even remember what the first thing was that we hired for, it must have been customer service. The messages just got too real. You know, people do not hold back! If they’re unhappy about something they’re going to let you know, and that’s the nature of being a business owner. We’re going to have people who are unhappy with our product.

In the beginning, we took it personally. I remember saying, “Ok, let’s go ahead and hire somebody who can actually love on these people, which is what we need to do.” But neither one of us were feeling it. I think that was something big for us; we were so willing to hire. When things got tough, we looked at it and thought, “Ok, can someone else fill in this space for us?”

JC: For a lot of women who are either in direct sales or network marketing, they have those pieces taken care of by the bigger company that they’re associated with. I know for a lot of women that I worked with, they start creating their own coaching business and then they all of a sudden realize, “Oh shit. I have to deal with making sure my customers are happy and handling any refund requests.”

Handling the customer support and customer service and success side of things is it’s own skillset. Like you said, you need that layer of protection or someone on your team to filter that out because people don’t hold back. Some of those messages are brutal.

RP: SO true! We hold onto those negative comments and we let that set our mindset, and that just gets in the way of everything. So with this new business, I am also planning to hire. That is going to be one of my first things on my list. You know, someone who can do these tasks that you’re not paying a ton of money for, but it’s also off your plate.

 JC: And those people are happy to do it because they don’t want to be entrepreneurs. I think that’s important. That was a huge mindset block for me. Why would I want to give these people the things that I hate doing? But there’s somebody who loves QuickBooks and wants to just play with numbers all day.

 RP: Yes! That’s why we hired our customer service person. She has a gift to love on people no matter how nasty they are, she will love you, she will love you through it all. I have a really hard time with that, but I knew that it gives her life and gives her joy.

 JC: You were saying around this whole mindset of not taking those things personally, there’s going to be times when you start to take those things. You are going to see it and you are not going to be protected from it. For those newer entrepreneurs especially, how do they build that muscle of recovering and moving through the discomfort of having their first one star review, having their first refund request, or first person trolling on their posts. What have you done to move through that?

 RP: I don’t think it’s ever easy no matter how long you’ve been in the business. Before I would read messages, I’d have to get in a different state of mind. I was actually able to do this much better than my business partner because it was hard for her to get out of that space.

For me, I would have to look at it and sort of remove myself from the situation, if you will, and then read it from a different perspective.

They’re not saying, “Rachel, you suck, your product is the worst, and I’d like a refund!” You know, this could mean so many things. It could mean that their husband just got laid off of work or they thought they had more money than they did and they purchased this product. So now they’re going to say they weren’t appreciative or that it’s not good and there’s not enough content in there. You just don’t know why someone is saying what they’re saying, so when you pull yourself out of it, it’s not an offense against you.

There’s so many other things that could be going on and having that mindset when you read these messages will make all the difference. I’m not saying that I never get upset by these messages, but if I’m in that right mindset to read them, I don’t take it personally. It’s just a muscle that you have to grow because it does take time. Try to pull yourself out of it and take a look at it from the outside.

JC: It’s challenging. Last year, I had done a webinar and we were having MASSIVE tech issues, and when I got off that webinar, I was seeing all the angry comments coming in. People couldn’t hear it and I was completely helpless so I just had to keep going. Oh man, opening that inbox was the worst. People were really the worst. They were like, “How dare you waste my time??” As if I purposely paid to get them on that webinar from my ads, spent thousands of dollars, and then just decided to not give to them as a big, practical joke.

RP: We fight against ourselves so often, and so we look at things and how it’s affecting ME, it’s affecting me this way, and it’s affecting me this way. People react and they do play the victim sometimes. I think it’s just a reaction, like, “How dare you. I took time off work. This is my lunch break to watch this webinar and now this is what happened.”

A lot of people play the blame game. They aren’t as capable, if you will, of looking beyond it.

I think having compassion for people helps. I’m not saying when you get all those negative comments to be like, “Oh, they must be going through something. This person is probably having a tough week. Oh and this one, too.” I mean, that’s hard to do. That’s when you get your customer service rep in there and you don’t even look at the comment because it can become defeating.

JC: Yeah, definitely. Looking at it through rose-colored glasses, those are not people who I wanted in my program if they’re going to be that reactive. Like listen, I get it, you’re disappointed, and I understand that. I’m also disappointed that I didn’t get to deliver this to you. I appreciate the time that you took off from work and your lunch break to be here, and I respect your time, but I didn’t do this intentionally. If they’re going to be that reactive to something, those are probably not people that I want to work with, because what’s next? It kind of weeded them out.

 RP: That is so true! Those aren’t your people anyway, but I think when you respond to them with kindness in action, it disarms them somehow. Oftentimes, it becomes this great conversation, like, “Oh my gosh, I’m SO sorry I reacted that way. I skipped lunch that day and I’m starving!” You know, whatever it is, it opens up that conversation and things generally simmer down.

 JC: People want to feel heard and be understood. On top of talking about mean girls and mean comments, what about the mean girl in your head? Let’s talk a little bit about that because there’s so much self talk, and I don’t know that people necessarily share as much of the real deal on social media, but you are so transparent and so willing to be open about that.

 RP: I call her the mean girl in your head and she’s often worse than those complaints from customers because she’s there all the time and she strikes when you’re not expecting her.

I found that she is the loudest when we’re getting ready to do something awesome. Where we’re taking that leap and we’re getting uncomfortable, that’s when she pipes up.

She’s always there. What I’m referring to are these negative thoughts that we think about ourselves and you don’t even know they’re happening. Last week, I was just sitting there at our inner circle retreat and I literally was hanging out with her. My whole presence was so defeated. It’s like she snuck up on me and I didn’t even realize what was happening. When I realized, I shut her down. I was like, “No, we’re going to move on because those are all lies.” I was a completely different person.

These thoughts can be anything. “You’re not enough. You’re fat. Look how pretty she is. You’re nothing like her.” Any of your weaknesses are what is going to come out in these negative thoughts. It’s so easy for me to say you have to shut it down, but these are all lies. Everything she says is a lie. It’s all lies. When we’re getting ready to do something amazing, they’re going to be louder. I think you just have to start becoming more aware of those thoughts and when you feel down on yourself, really look at yourself and what’s going on inside your mind. What are you saying to yourself? Because that needs to be shut down. That’s going to hold you back. You absolutely have to get control of these thoughts because those negative thoughts are going to get in the way. They’re going to be like roadblocks.

JC: And when something doesn’t feel good, that’s literally your body telling you you’re thinking things that don’t align with your highest self.

Your emotional guidance system is your built-in lie detector.

RP: So true! Last week, and this is so vivid for me because it was like a beat down, I just remember wanting to cry and not really being able to be totally present to what was going on. When I realized this and had this mindset shift, it was literally like the rose-colored glasses again. Everything seemed much better and I felt lighter. She is like a beat down and that doesn’t help in any way. She’s WRONG.

 JC: I think what you said is so spot on, that when we’re about to get uncomfortable and level up, that’s when it becomes the loudest. Our unconscious mind does not know what’s next and it doesn’t like the idea of the unknown. Our brain is literally trying to protect us and the ego comes out and it’s like, “Hey, you’re probably not ready for this. You probably want to wait.”

I’ve seen it come up so many times and I’m like, “Ohhhhhhh, it’s because I’m about to do THIS thing!” Now, I’ve kind of reframed it for myself and rewired that trigger. I actually start to celebrate and get really excited when those things happen because I’m like, “Oooh, my spidey senses are telling me that I’m being a real asshole to myself. Guess that means something good is about to happen!” So ok, what do you do to celebrate?

RP: I think for me, just feeling proud of myself for calling her out. I often tell customers or clients, if you are bogged down with these negative thoughts, write down the top three, the ones you hear all the time, and turn it around. Turn it around and make them affirmations and then look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself, “I am enough.”

Do it every day. It dims the power of these negative thoughts of that mean girl. She doesn’t like that. She doesn’t like us affirming ourselves and saying positive things about us because she’s the mean girl, right? She doesn’t want us to feel good about ourselves. So if we are combating those thoughts with positive statements about ourselves, it really does make a difference.